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chicken coop mansion

September 3rd, 2011

chicken coop mansion
Grammar check!!!~~~~?

In the essay of “A very old man with enormous wings,” Main character Pelayo and his wife found a man with wings in a coop. Later, they realized old man is an angel.
His family decided to show everyone that angel in the coop, and get paid for 5 cent for watching the angel. As they exhibit the angel, everyone was paying attention to old man angel. However, everyone’s attention turned to spider-girl who was turned into a tarantula one night for disobeying her parents. This appeals to the masses more than an old winged man who ignores the people around him. Pelayo build a mansion with all the money they have accumulated. They neglect the angel and prevent their child from getting to close to the chicken coop. When the chicken coop breaks, Pelayo allow to Angel to move the house. Since then, he is sick, so Pelayo and her wife fear he will die. But, the old man fly away.

The 2 biggies are unclear use of pronouns and in literary analysis always use the present tense. Also capitalize all words in the title.

In the essay, “A Very Old Man With Enormous Wings,” the main character, Pelayo, and his wife find a man with wings in a coop [unclear modifier: does the man have wings or was the man and the wings 2 objects? Consider revising]. Later, they [who?] realize the old man is an angel.
Pelayo’s family decides to show the angel in the coop to the villagers, and they charge 5 cents admission. While the angel is on display, everyone [who?] pays attention to old man-angel. However, everyone’s attention turned to [the or a] spider-girl who had turned into a tarantula one night after disobeying her parents. This appeals to the masses more than an old winged-man who ignores the people around him. Pelayo builds a mansion with all the money he has accumulated. They [who?] neglect the angel and prevent their [who?] child from getting to close to the chicken coop. When the chicken coop breaks, Pelayo allows the angel to move into the house. The angel is sick, so Pelayo and his wife fear the angel will die. But, the old man-angel flies away.

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